Once More Home From the Lake--an ode to the good old white t-shirt

With my deepest apologies to E.B. White who wrote the world's most lovely Once More to the Lake.

Well, the suits are on the line, my incisors have been ground down .05 mm from silica-hot-dog- abrasion, and I've had the rare opportunity to see what I would look like with dred-locks. I'd call it a successful weekend at the lake.
But now...could we talk double entendre? The double entendre, sophisticated as it may sound, is the juvenile marketing method for selling t-shirts to males between the ages of 12 to 17 1/2...and forgive me for saying it, but I'm talking mental age. (conjure image of Will Ferral whose picture I would post but please...) For instance picture this scene: A 50-something male, graying hair and beard, behind cash register, large gray t-shirt bulging over larger beer belly in a t-shirt that says, "Big Mac Hookers." Am I supposed to laugh at this? How can I not? Of COURSE there are two large fish hooks ensconced intersectent on yon laurel wreath bedecking ye said belly. But really, should Mr. French be allowed to wear such a shirt, and what is Mr. French doing at Big Mac anyway? And for you youngsters who don't know who Mr. French is, I included a photo (take that Will!) I guess it just seems there should be an age when wearing a t-shirt with a sexual double entendre should be illegal and there should definitely be an age at which it shouldn't make you titter like a 6th grade boy.
But then again, how would Hooters survive? I mean, think about it. The entire restaurant chain has made itself famous on the strength of double entendre and the lack thereof (strength, that is) of the male mind. Seriously, would anybody stop in and eat at a chow house called Large Mammary Glands? I think not.
I can't tell you how many times I've asked boys to inside-out t-shirts bearing such clever captions as: (Squirrel holding baseball bat) "protect your nuts." Or the famous "I'll treat you like a princess...want to play with my jewels?" (Who lets them out of the house wearing these in the first place? Oh...another blog, another time.)
It has been said (John Dryden? Samuel Johnson?) that the pun is the lowest form of wit, but is this true? To understand one of these t-shirts one must have passed from the mental stage of literal thinking to some form of abstract thinking. I mean, who doesn't like a good pun every now and then? But it was a sad day when I had to stop my eight year old child from buying a t-shirt at American Eagle (for cryin' out loud!) for father's day and I really, really didn't want to explain why. She, literally, saw nothing wrong with it.
But I guess my plea to all young men (and women too, for that matter) who think Porky's is a classic and Step Brothers is the climax of humor (see...they're giggling right now) is...why stop there? Go ahead and climb the next few rungs on the ladder of cognitive development, take a look at the guy behind the counter, and just say no this time to the Master Baiter and the Mine's This Big, fisherman t-shirts on the silver display rack in Sportsman Lodge. Ah, E.B., I love your plain old, plaid button down.